I must imitate Mina

i'm replacing another member of staff for a while.....stood in front of the little blighters & announced, 'for the next few weeks we'll be finding out...' and was interupted by one of them shouting out 'how to be a Goth!?!?'




actually, I like my job at the moment. i'm fond of the pupils & have some great colleagues....there's a lot of bollocks to deal with as well though; I try to ignore that or deliberately subvert it...

is evangeline ghastly; well, more specifically it is her wardrobe I hanker for.

dangerous behaviour: I have already filled out an order form for her...I just haven't yet printed 'confirm'....

eek!

there's a picture of Morrisey on the third side

when vegetarians like myself wear foxfurs and gentlemen in Nazi uniform eat Victoria sandwich cake in the village hall and I decide heels more appropriate attire for cobbles than boots and I love the Saturnalian aspects of Haworth 1940's weekend....the fake babies & the fake babies in gasmasks







...& the wonderful music & the Winston Churchill lookalike




and the friendliness of the crowds, and the way the GIs are always late and its a running joke




it shouldn't be good, but it is.

My knowledge of astrology is pretty basic; I can draw up a birth chart & interpret a little.

thank heavens (hee!) for t'internet, whe you can just look stuff up, & that is how I found out I have 'Lilith in Scorpio'!

and this is what it says:


"LILITH, THE BLACK MOON, POSITIONED IN SCORPIO
This position warns that it is especially important to be careful about relationships and habits. At worst you may face the threat of involvement in mafia structures. It is important to learn from the early childhood to gain control over jealousy, aggression, passions, and fears. This position may witness contacts with the black magic. You may have been involved in this during your past lives. You may have been a victim, an initiator, or a consumer of the black magic. This life may echo this experience. You may face strong opposition and persecution in this life. It may simply seem that you do not deserve this. Nevertheless this may be the retribution for the past mistakes. In this life you should avoid any contacts with magic, martial arts, and suspicious companies. You may get involved in a dangerous and harmful activity, which may bring disastrous effects. Avoid participation in risky and sharp situations. You should aim for harmony, peace, patience, wisdom, forgiveness, and moderation. Develop the perception of a peaceful and harmonious reality. Learn to value what you already have.
Lilith positioned in Scorpio is also linked to sadism and debauchery. In this life you may be prone to these qualities or you may suffer from genital diseases. You should avoid living in dark premises, cellars, or basements. Your living place should be close to nature. You should live in an open space. The sun should reach it.
Avoid any forms of dirt. You will definitely face it. Do not start analyzing the source of it. Do not start asking what it is or why you deserve it and etc. This analysis may bring you to the dark world. Simply retreat and give neither prominence nor space for all this in your life.
It is advisable to avoid black and brown colors in your outfit and environment."




oh dear.

I think that advice should have reached me sooner.

Meanwhile, here is one of my favourite aspects of Lilith.

on May Day morning i have always washed my face in the dew, & Saturday was no exception. I'd woken with a dreadful headache, but this little ritual helped and then I made a cup of tea & got dressed.

As i walked up into Haworth I saw a friend aranging a stall under a gazebo. She works at the playhouse & explained she was renting authentic vintage costumes for Haworth's 1940's weekend. So I had a bit of a rummage & came away with a 'fox fur'; the apostrophesa because it is no fox, it is grey, huge & i couldn't resist having such Carpathian company.

Then I bought rose perfume & walked home.

I watched an episisode of Sherlock holmes (Jeremy Brett era) and then a hailstorm began.

I fell asleep on the sofa after lunch (pea soup) then woke up & began to get ready for an adventure out in the evening; seeing friends I haven't seen in months.

But my headache had returned & I felt so flat & unusually tired. even their sparkling company couldn't liven me, so I came home after an hour or so.

To find that i was locked out!!

so, I knew my neighbour had a key...called round to collect it & was invited in & shown photographs of her son, who died last year. Photographs of him dying, dead then laid out in his coffin.

Needless to say, despite my fondness for the Strange and Unusual, this didn't help my fragile state & I had a feverish & hallucinatory night of bad dreams & terrors of the grave!

My neighbour is a lovely woman & I'm fond of her, but her Catholicism worries me...it reminds me of all the things i've renounced. maybe when i'm old, i'll do an Anne Rice?

I'm so bored of myself; bored of always feeling anxious, awkward, exhausted, inept etc....I think instead I am just going to be fabulous!






I am going to try out this theory that by acting in a particular way, eventually it ceases to be pretence & becomes one's habitual way of being & behaving.

i saw this in Newcastle when I was still at school....I suppose this was about 1980, because i remember being frightened to travel home again after I caught the train....there was a creepy tunnel leading from the station then thru' a small woodland. I love it when my imagination runs away with me!

I can't remember however who i went with.....I want to say it was with Claire, who shared my delight in such things as velvet, patchouli, veils, graveyards, Syd Barrett, poems and, of course the Darkly Romantic.

we believed....rightly or wrongly...we channeled a fusion of Kate Bush, Sarah Bernhardt & Lucy Westenra to Morpeth!!

I lost touch with her, sadly, as she simultaneously fell in love & tried to commit suicide.....she just vanished. Of course, I had already left Northumberland, but my letters to her went unanswered.

T. & I do like to explore ruinous castles...today we went to Bolton Castle, which is no where near Bolton.





amongst other things, this castle is famous for being a former 'prison' for Mary Queen of Scots. Her ghost is said to linger there, and wanders around dressed entirely in black...coincidentally I was doing exactly the same! only I had cherry ice cream.

we'd gone there because we both fancied a maze....there is one there, but its far smaller than its promotional photograph suggests. Nonetheless, we still got tricked up in it.

i woke up during the night because I was too hot (t. and a cat to blame) and pushed the quilt to one side and put my left leg out and over the quilt to cool down.

No sooner than i had done this i felt a hand close around my ankle, push it away and back under the quilt....i thought it was T. of course, being all territorial with the bed; until i realised his hands were up by the pillow & no where near my ankle! i grabbed his hand and woke him up at this point.....it was still dark, but i patted the quilt and found the cat fast asleep in the middle of the bed....i remember thinking it must be a ghost, but for some reason this didn't alarm me & i went to sleep again